THIS IS GOD’S STORY, NOT MINE. IT’S TAKEN ME a long time to realize this. As I’ve felt the need to write a post on my blog, I have wrestled for days because I felt the need to really hear from the Lord as to what I was to write. He answered me this morning, after writing in my own journal. He whispered to my heart, “that’s it. share that.” I’m like, “really”? Ok. So it’s what I wrote in my journal early this morning. He wants to take this private girl and share her, past her fear, it doesn’t matter to me anymore. But yet, it’s still hard for me, but I’m going to obey Him:
Father, sometimes, in the quietest moments of my heart and mind, I wonder….about my life, who I am, what I do. And I fear I’m not enough. I see so many others living bigger, grander, way more successful lives. Then I see mine. Everyday is simple, quiet, and there underlies a sense of struggle. And I wonder if I’ve missed something. The weight of it makes me want to lie down and hide. I am overwhelmed at times with the unknown, with the immense feeling of not knowing what to do and which way to move.
I feel small, inadequate, and, at times, completely insignificant.
At times, I am utterly overwhelmed at the enormity of brokenness and emotional hurt around me, and, in my own home. I feel unequipped and unsure and scared that we’re not going to make it. I feel the devastating affects of a broken family and an absent father.
I have a choice.
I can despair or I can hope and trust again, in the only One who can help us… Jesus. And, place every burden and care and disappointment in His Hands. And live in His strength….for this moment, and the next, and the next.
There are so many changing moments and emotions and feelings. The gift of laughter one day, and the next day, sadness of soul. Worry grips my heart. I look too much at my life; our circumstances, our feelings, and my eyes aren’t on Him anymore. He’s got to be my focus.
Hold onto Him.
Keep my eyes on Him.
He is my strength.
(And then, I cried. And I wrote this: Tears are a gift, a release of the pressure, and a sign of life and heart.)
Psalm 63:7 (Voice) —
“You have been my constant Helper; therefore I sing for joy under the protection of Your wings.”
Well, there you are, from the honest pages of my journal to you, courtesy of God. 🙂
I hope you will be encouraged by the light of Jesus today.
Thanks for spending a few minutes of your time with me today.